ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
