Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
