i just wanna soil my oats bro
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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