I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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