You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
