Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
