I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
