If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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