Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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