hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
