we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Found your dick twin last night
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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