I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
