If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
