haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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