is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
