White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
