if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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