I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
