Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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