Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
