That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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