turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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