I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize