I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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