Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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