he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
