I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
