I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
