i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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