at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Is Oprah even human
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
