it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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