I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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