On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
In America we eat man semen.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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