I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
