you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
