he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
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