can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My dick has a subreddit
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
