You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
