I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
