I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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