Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
