I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
