so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
