Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
