It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
