I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Randomize
