I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
