Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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