Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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