ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
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