i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
