It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize