apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
