that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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