I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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