don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I have so many feelings about this burrito
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
